S.O.S

“Life is the sum of all of your choices” ~ Albert Camus

Flailing in a pit of self-prescribed advice, I want more than anything to devote every ounce of positive energy I can muster into my career and my future but on the other hand that creates a plastic bag of pressure suffocating my dreams.

How do I decide on a degree today that is going to shape my entire life. I want to maintain enough belief in myself to follow my heart and put my soul into the areas I yearn to gain wisdom in, and yet there is always that blasted “what if?” aspect.

The intelligent and responsible route means a well plotted back up which needs to be pretty much foolproof and well…bland in my opinion, which unless I am sorely mistaken is very unlike me.

Do I take the jump and put my livelihood in murky waters or do I allow my feisty individuality to be trapped in an airtight container and tossed into the already congested highways of society?

Having lived just over a quarter of my live am I really qualified to make such a major decision? I am in awe of the eighteen year olds who stroll out of school directly into university, if I had been forced into tertiary education at eighteen I would have made stumbled haphazardly into the biggest mistake of my life.

I have been so blessed to have been brought up in such a way that the grain has never really made sense to me and so going against it feels like normality. I am the bi-product of a wildly talented musician/artist and an eccentric engineer trapped in a constructor’s body. They are people from humble beginnings who threw an empty box to me as a child to encourage my creativity. To disappoint them would be an eternal burning gash in my self-worth. Through all the inspirational parenting techniques my dear parents tested out on me (being the first born fledgling and all) they always told me to be true to myself and brave but to never mistake stupidity for courage, i.e.; to always cover my ass.

So here I stand on the cusp of one of the biggest decisions of my life and to be quite frank whilst the consequences of this step become more ominous every day, I’m still really eager to sign my savings away for the greater good; knowledge.